From Breaking News to Breaking Free: Beth McDonough’s Recovery Journey from Alcohol

Veteran crime reporter Beth McDonough built a career on relentless pursuit—until life hit hard. After her mother’s sudden passing, a breakup, and her father’s emergency heart surgery, alcohol became her coping mechanism. Two DUIs and a lost dream job later, Beth faced a choice: go home or go to treatment. She chose recovery.

Now 16 years sober and the author of Standby, Beth shares a raw, unflinching conversation about losing everything—and rebuilding with honesty, humility, and hope. If you or someone you love is struggling with alcohol, this story offers practical insight and proof that long-term recovery is possible.

In this interview, Beth discusses:

How high-achiever “grit” can hide a growing alcohol problem

The breaking point that led her to treatment

Early sobriety: shame, repair, and rebuilding trust

Tools that sustain long-term recovery (community, routine, service)

Writing Standby and turning pain into purpose

About Beth:
Beth McDonough is a former crime reporter and the author of Standby, a memoir about addiction, loss, and the everyday work of recovery.

 Addiction Talk is brought to you by  American Addiction Centers, a leading provider of addiction and mental health services.

 Addiction Talk is brought to you by American Addiction Centers, if you or someone know needs help, call 866-244-1070 or visit our website at americanaddictioncenters.org

Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:01:08
Unknown
Oh.

00:00:01:09 - 00:00:03:08
Unknown
Tonight on Addiction Talk.

00:00:03:20 - 00:00:27:06
Unknown
Beth McDonough was a tenacious TV crime reporter at the peak of her career, but multiple heartbreaks led her to a dangerous spiral into alcohol addiction. After two DUI, she hit rock bottom, losing her dream job and her reputation. Given a choice by her former boss, go home or go to treatment, she chose treatment.

00:00:27:08 - 00:00:35:22
Unknown
Now 16 year sober, Beth shares how she found purpose through her darkest days and the courage to rise again.

00:00:35:25 - 00:00:38:14
Unknown
Addiction talk starts now.

00:00:51:03 - 00:01:11:05
Unknown
Beth, thank you so much for joining us on Addiction Talk. We are really honored to be able to hear your story, but also to share the Golden nuggets from your personal journey. And me and Mike are here to just kind of walk through and learn more about you and where you are today. But we always like to start out with an icebreaker.

00:01:11:07 - 00:01:23:01
Unknown
And so the icebreaker question we're going to start out with is, what is one word that you would use to describe your recovery journey?

00:01:23:04 - 00:01:32:02
Unknown
Why that's a biggie that you're starting out with. Excruciating.

00:01:32:05 - 00:01:43:11
Unknown
I would you want me to expound upon that? Exactly. I mean, that is a word that I have not heard before, but I can that just, like, is a gut punch when you hear that

00:01:43:11 - 00:01:57:08
Unknown
this entire experience has been a gut punch. And that's probably the point, right? Actions have consequences. And, it's supposed to hurt, and it has to hurt bad enough to get somebody's attention.

00:01:57:08 - 00:02:15:29
Unknown
And that's what I needed as well, because I had two DUIs, I had one, and then a year later, I got a second one. And the repercussions from the first weren't quite painful enough, apparently. So I went back and did it again and felt it the second time after I dropped an atomic bomb into my life.

00:02:16:04 - 00:02:39:24
Unknown
Well, so I was going to say that you describe it as an atomic bomb. Could you explain what you mean by atomic bomb? Like this atomic bomb in your life? Absolutely. I was I a well known crime reporter in the Twin Cities at the time, but I've worked all over the United States for various networks at one time or another, or, affiliates, large market affiliates as well.

00:02:39:26 - 00:03:05:05
Unknown
And, so I kind of was, pretty close to the top of my game, I would say. But I also knew that I as I interviewed all of these other people and families and shared their stories and their struggles, I internally knew that I was having one. But I kept it to myself and tried to suppress it and deny, deny, deny and hold on as long as you can.

00:03:05:07 - 00:03:26:01
Unknown
Because every day I needed to perform at a certain level. And the atomic bomb came. You know, I'll share a story with you that I haven't shared with anyone. It's in the book. And you would think this would have gotten my attention, but it didn't. Back in the day, I was covering a huge trial in Fargo, North Dakota, of Alfonso Rodriguez.

00:03:26:04 - 00:03:48:24
Unknown
People might remember his name, because he had kidnaped a woman named drew shooting from a mall. And he took her across state lines and, assaulted her and killed her. And her family really wanted justice. And so they had the case moved to a federal courthouse in North Dakota, where there is the death penalty because they wanted the death penalty for this.

00:03:48:26 - 00:04:12:14
Unknown
And I'm covering the trial. Huge trial. A lot at stake here. Not just justice for this family, but, predator laws were on the line. Sexual offender reform laws and predatory offender laws. All of this was in play in this trial, and he was a previous, convict for a sex offense, but he had been let out after serving his time anyway.

00:04:12:14 - 00:04:33:12
Unknown
So I'm covering this trial for a few weeks, and we get word the jury's coming down with for with a verdict. The verdict is going to be announced the next day. Everybody's there. All the networks, all local media from three states. And what do we tend to do after work? After the 11:00 news, you go out and you blow off some steam.

00:04:33:14 - 00:04:55:18
Unknown
So that's what I did. We went to the hotel bar. We're staying hours away. Go to the hotel bar. And what's interesting is I remember everybody else leaving, but I didn't leave. And then I don't remember really what happened after that until I woke up in the hospital. And it turns out at some point, all my colleagues left.

00:04:55:18 - 00:05:27:08
Unknown
But I stayed and kept drinking, drinking, drinking like we alcoholics do it. And somehow I got outside in the parking lot and I fell. And, you know, there's concrete curbs that you pull your car up to park to. Landed face first on it broke all of the teeth. All of my teeth. And I was contracted to do live shots the entire next day for CNN, for Fox News, for my station and all of the foxes across the country, because the verdict is coming down.

00:05:27:11 - 00:05:51:29
Unknown
So like, you know, and so in the middle of the night, I call my crew, they take me to the hospital. A nurse there calls a local dentist, a local dentist comes in the middle of the night. I tell him what my emergency and emergency is, and he's like, I can give you some temporary teeth so you can go on air tomorrow, but then you're going to have to go back wherever you live.

00:05:51:29 - 00:06:18:05
Unknown
You know, go see a dentist and a surgeon and, and get your teeth put back in. Nobody knows that. And so how on earth in the middle of the night, this dentist, you know, rebuilt my smile. And, the next morning at 8 a.m. was my first live shot with CNN. And, what? I look at myself in that live shot now, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I just looked, you know, I it was a hard, hard night.

00:06:18:07 - 00:06:39:24
Unknown
And you would think that would shock me into stopping drinking. But it it didn't. And, I powered through that whole day with hundreds of live shots and, you know, on the drive home. And I thought, oh, my gosh, nobody out there knows. In the middle of the night I was getting my teeth repaired because of drunken stupidity.

00:06:39:24 - 00:07:05:03
Unknown
Wouldn't that be enough to, like, sober somebody up? But it wasn't. And I kept going. So kind of my moment of reckoning was I love my job more than anything. And, my boss, after I got my second DUI and I loved him and I had such respect for him, and we had a great working relationship. And to have someone that you respect and care for so much fire you to your face.

00:07:05:06 - 00:07:32:19
Unknown
And this really stung, because he had renewed me on a contract for a long time. And, he said, you are no longer of service to us. And that just was a shot to my heart. And that's what that's what got my attention. Not bashing out my teeth on a curb. But finally someone spoke to me in a tone that resonated, and that's what got my attention.

00:07:32:22 - 00:07:50:09
Unknown
So there's a funny story I'd say to people, and it's the which relates to you when you're in the drunk tank, someone says to me, how do you know if the person's an alcoholic? I mean, I'm 19, obvious, sober. I'm like, it's a really simple thing. You go over to people, you go to the first person you like.

00:07:50:09 - 00:08:00:10
Unknown
Well, you drink and drive again. Like absolutely not. You go to the second person. Will you drink and drive again? Like, I'll just take the I won't take the freeway next time.

00:08:00:12 - 00:08:20:14
Unknown
In other words, it's not me. It was the road I took. So here's a car. I knew I broke my ankle years ago doing massive amounts of cocaine drinking, and the next I had to show up to shoot a VH one pilot, Scott Weiland. I was business partners. Am I in the company? Do you feel no one ever?

00:08:20:15 - 00:08:37:01
Unknown
I literally went to meetings. I intervened on myself. I had a really high bottom. No one ever stopped me. I had people giving me cocaine. VH one wanted me drunk. I pulled the pilot. No one stop me there. I was dealing with the biggest rock stars in the world. I talk about in my book. Like it was.

00:08:37:03 - 00:08:58:10
Unknown
Do you feel? Because it's very rare. It's like a like a really good athlete, like I was, I had a I could perform, I could go and get wrecked all night. And the next day you would never know I will. I was shooting shows. I was showing up because you could perform at that level and hide it, that you didn't think you had a problem because I never thought I had a problem.

00:08:58:15 - 00:09:17:01
Unknown
I was around people. That's what we did in New York. I lived in New York. It was work hard, play hard. Do you know what I'm saying? Until. Yes, boss. Did you the service I'm intervening and saying no, but you can obviously perform. You got your tics, your feet, the teeth. Big stop. Normal people. Like I'm not going in the discipline because that.

00:09:17:01 - 00:09:40:23
Unknown
That's confusing. It's cunning, baffling and powerful. So do you think that's why you held it together like that? I think so, and as journalists and especially covering my beat, if you will, you know, you see the worst of the worst of the worst. And, you get a backbone, you become very strong and you're and you're pretty independent and autonomous in the field.

00:09:40:23 - 00:10:01:19
Unknown
It's kind of you and your crew against, you know, your circumstances of the story that day. So you develop this strength. And my coworkers would certainly say this, gosh, you're the strongest person I know. And I think that feeds into your brain of you're right, most people wouldn't have gone on TV the next day. But I'm like, you know, no, this is what we do.

00:10:01:20 - 00:10:19:09
Unknown
We get up, we keep going, I keep going. I can't let anyone know what happened. They would never suspect something like this happened by looking at me. And, you know, I had an agent at the time, and he saw several of my live shots, and he called me and he goes, well, I got to tell you, I've never seen you smoother.

00:10:19:09 - 00:10:41:08
Unknown
You nailed it. But you look like shit. And he had no idea what I went through, you know, just five hours before. And, but you do, you kind of mentally go into overdrive and and you got to keep the train going. And I didn't have a backup plan. You know, there's not another job waiting in the wings or something else.

00:10:41:08 - 00:11:01:12
Unknown
You you keep the train going, I think, and you're like, I can't let everyone see. Get a little peek behind the curtain. I got to keep that curtain closed and keep going and hard charging. And you're right, you know, you run hard, you play hard. And what do journalists tend to do after their shifts are over, especially on a big occasion like that?

00:11:01:14 - 00:11:20:23
Unknown
You go out and you blow off some steam or, you know, you try and you do that in an effort to maybe not take it home to your families. Yeah. So I can relate something interesting that you said, though, Beth, you had to call the crew. So I'm wondering, with you having to call the crew, did nobody raise an alarm?

00:11:20:25 - 00:11:42:22
Unknown
I know you said you did a good job of hiding it. And of course, you said, you know, your agent was like, oh, that was fabulous. But you didn't look great. Did anyone on the crew that saw you go through that? Did anybody stop you or say anything at that time? When I drink like that, I tend to be a drunk.

00:11:42:24 - 00:12:12:00
Unknown
Blackout drunk. So they may have not. I don't have a memory of the entire night. I do remember saying goodbye to one of my crew. But did they try to stop me? I don't think they knew I was going to stay there. I think they thought I was going back to my hotel room as well. You know, over time, when you work that closely with people, too, we're in a vehicle together 8 to 10 hours every day, and traveling, you know, you pick up on things.

00:12:12:03 - 00:12:35:17
Unknown
And I would say in hindsight, they suspected some close colleagues, but they also didn't want to let me out, for lack of a better word. You know, people have issues and we all have different issues, especially in the newsroom. Not investors are different or immune from issues. And alcoholism, as we know, is an equal opportunity disease.

00:12:35:19 - 00:12:54:00
Unknown
And I think people didn't want to rat me out. And, you know, they thought that they'll get a hold of this. So get on top of it. We didn't talk about it on the drive home. Not at all. I think everyone wanted to look past it. I wanted to act like it never happened. I mean, hey, look, I have my teeth back, right?

00:12:54:03 - 00:13:16:15
Unknown
You know, and I. Right then I should have gone to treatment. But, alas, I didn't question Beth. You never drank on the job, right? I didn't know I was so in love with my job. Like, that was everything to me, but outside of it. And on weekends. So that isn't that tricky when you see, like, performance, right?

00:13:16:15 - 00:13:41:04
Unknown
Like I could go. I grew up in Australia. I was, you know, 14, 15 drinking in pubs with guys 18, 19. I was a great athlete. That's what you did. You just straight nowhere put you, you played sports, you drank every night. You had an adopt and I never I had I was such a controlled addict that at ten at night I would start drinking and do cocaine when I was in a club, whatever.

00:13:41:07 - 00:14:02:18
Unknown
But at five in the morning I'd shut it down. Never went to after hours walk my dog, who would suspect because I was so disciplined as an addict, so scary. So it's like, that's why probably no one ever saw it. That because when you're not drinking on the job and you can perform at a professional level and no way show up, who's going to call you out?

00:14:02:20 - 00:14:22:23
Unknown
They can't do it on the job. So the the gift is getting the DUIs because that was your intervention. Because if you didn't get them, you you would have probably got liver cancer like me. I would have like something would have happened, like your body would have blown up. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Something disastrous would have happened or people would have been hurt.

00:14:22:26 - 00:14:41:00
Unknown
And so I say to you, same, you know, because I used to wake up, in the morning 5 or 6:00 in the mornings without an alarm and go running for 5 or 6 miles. That was my thing every day. Get up, go running, you know, hard charging. The bosses used to say to me, what do you doing?

00:14:41:00 - 00:14:54:25
Unknown
Emailing this at seven and eight in the morning, you know, and I'm like, here's my story, here's this, here's this. I'm going to break this. I know about this data, because I'd start working the phones and they were like, you don't even come in to like 1 or 2 in the afternoon because I would work the night shifts.

00:14:54:28 - 00:15:14:29
Unknown
Yeah. So I hit it hard. Excuse me. So, you know, from outside looking in, maybe there wasn't anything to question. This was just right. But, you know, if you pull back the curtain, there was a lot to question. Yeah. So, Beth, let me ask you this. You know, on the outside, most people think you have it together.

00:15:15:03 - 00:15:39:08
Unknown
What was going on in the insight? Was it the stress? Was it the pressure? Like, how did this all start for you? Thank you for asking the question. It was around 2005. I wasn't a big drinker up until then, believe it or not. But around 2005 a number of things happened in my life which are, not an excuse, just an explanation of kind of setting the tone.

00:15:39:11 - 00:16:08:09
Unknown
My my mother, who I was very close with, died unexpectedly. A relationship ended right on the spot. My father had a quadruple bypass. My mother was gone, so I had to go back and take care of all of that. Where he lived. And there were just a number of factors in my life that I really couldn't grieve and deal with at the time because, you know, I was project manager of getting my father healthy, taking care of my mom's estate and doing this, doing that, getting all the family.

00:16:08:09 - 00:16:29:27
Unknown
And so I really didn't have time to grieve. And when I finally got back to Minnesota and reality set in and I lived by myself, the relationship, it ended. And then it, you know, it was just up to me at that time. I thought, okay, I can handle this. But as anyone knows, with grief, you know, it hits you out of the blue.

00:16:30:00 - 00:16:48:21
Unknown
And slowly, gradually, as these things do, I started to notice I was drinking more and people used to say, if I had a glass of wine, I went to 0 to 100. You know, like how on earth? Like we had the same thing you did. And you know, we're not driving into mailboxes. But I had such a low tolerance.

00:16:48:23 - 00:17:16:00
Unknown
And that's when I kind of noticed my drinking had increased. And when you're alone at night or on the weekends, that was my friend. That's what kept me company. That made time fly for me. It made me not feel the pain that I just dealt with. All of that, and it became a companion. I mean, in recovery, we always say connection and community, and you're a high achiever.

00:17:16:00 - 00:17:38:24
Unknown
So obviously that was something that was in your childhood. You're it sounds like you were, you know, you had to not people place, but you had to carry everyone and always be like, that's got it, that's got it, that's got it, John. I mean, a lot of addicts can do that. And then because you don't have that real connection to sit with someone and unravel and say, hey, I got some stress here.

00:17:38:25 - 00:18:02:28
Unknown
You have to hold it together for everyone else. We're inside. You're like going, I need help here. So in your sobriety, right when you realize that and you have the vulnerability to reach out, how hard is that for you to be vulnerable and surrender that you. You've got to really look at this because you can't you you you're one person you can't carry all this way.

00:18:03:01 - 00:18:23:27
Unknown
Boy, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. The hardest. As a journalist, we tend to not want to ask for help or reach out to others and kind of deal with things on our own, and people come to us to problem solve as reporters. So I was used to problem solving for everybody else every day.

00:18:24:00 - 00:18:58:23
Unknown
Even now, I get calls, you know, from people who need some help or insight on various things. So I would spend my days and my evenings problem solving for other people and not addressing my own, you know, gave me a good reason to kind of ignore and look past that. And then when I got fired, and the boss said my car had been taken away, my driver's license had been taken away of my second DUI, and, the boss said to me, as soon as we get done signing the paperwork and, you know, he's essentially telling me they didn't need me anymore.

00:18:58:26 - 00:19:24:26
Unknown
He said there's a taxicab waiting for you out there to either take you to home or to treatment. You decide. So I guess. Yeah, they were. And he had offered me help the year previous. He said breath after my first DUI, you know, and there was a little blurb in the paper, maybe a little mention, but nobody really addressed it because journalists, we all know what we do after work and all of that.

00:19:24:26 - 00:19:44:03
Unknown
So nobody really touched it too much. And he offered me help. He said, if you have a problem, I can help you. Fox news will help you. And you know, my my shame is a powerful thing. Shame held me back, and it wouldn't. No one wants to grow up to be an alcoholic or be labeled as one.

00:19:44:03 - 00:20:03:14
Unknown
And I just couldn't bring myself at that time. So clearly I wasn't ready at that time to own up to it. The second one, you know, I, I knew this is that's you got a problem. I mean, this is, you know, you can acknowledge something and you can either deal with it or run from it. And I'm the type that will run to it and deal with it.

00:20:03:14 - 00:20:25:26
Unknown
And I knew then that you got a problem. And so I did go to treatment and I went for 30 days at Hazelden Betty Ford. Then I did, you know, aftercare. I took on a sober roommate. I did fortunately, there was a meeting at a church down the street from where I lived because it was the dead of winter and Minnesota didn't have a car.

00:20:25:28 - 00:20:48:11
Unknown
I had my two feet and a bicycle, and that church was one mile from my home. And so the first time, and I was scared to walk into that first AA meeting, and I remember hearing people saying that thinking, why are they scared? You know, I run towards fires. Why are they scared? Well, when you walk into a meeting, you are scared because you're about to own up to all your stuff and put it all out there.

00:20:48:13 - 00:21:11:04
Unknown
And that meeting saved my life. I went to it every single day at noon. It's called Main Streeters, and the people in that room were it felt like going home. Honestly. They were welcoming. And they, you know, when I walked in, they knew me, they knew what happened. And they said, get up there and get uncomfortable. Tell us your story.

00:21:11:06 - 00:21:33:07
Unknown
You know. So they had me, working for it right off the bat. They weren't going to give me a break at all and threw AA. And then I did an aftercare program as well for six months. The sober roommate was so helpful, so helpful just to have that companionship and support and someone who understands what you're going through.

00:21:33:10 - 00:21:55:05
Unknown
And those were key elements for helping me to realize you've got a problem. You got to deal with it. Because even when you're in treatment, and I was in a women's unit and you hear women talking about doing two 750ml of or whatever, that is a bobcat, you know, the big ones. And I was like, oh my God, maybe I'm not well know them.

00:21:55:05 - 00:22:14:15
Unknown
When you hear me, you know, I drink a bottle, but it's like I've had five because the alcohol has it that effect on me. So I knew I had a problem and and it was time to pony up. I was either going to pony up or there was not much of a life ahead for me. I have two questions there that kind of come to mind in that moment.

00:22:14:17 - 00:22:41:17
Unknown
You walk out from the news director and you're like, standing there like, I have two choices. Did you know immediately or did you wrestle with yourself to find. Yeah, I knew immediately. I knew this was my up call, if you will. And yeah, I know everyone's rock bottom is different. I kind of say to myself in my story that I feel like I hit grave dirt and something else.

00:22:41:17 - 00:22:59:24
Unknown
As I was walking out the door. One of my colleagues at Fox News at the time, and he says, hey, Beth. And I mean, no one wanted to look at me. Their eyes were turning away. They were ducking away from me in this cavernous news room. And he says, Beth, Guy really respected. And I said, yeah. And he goes, woman up.

00:22:59:26 - 00:23:22:17
Unknown
And I was like, oh, well, yeah, I had a woman up. You know what? This is a dolphin. Beth grabbed the bull by the horns and it's time to go to work. It's time to get busy and, you know, and research your history. And it turns out alcoholism runs in my family. I learned this when I was in treatment, and you kind of retrace it all.

00:23:22:17 - 00:23:47:06
Unknown
And I reached out to family members. My parents had passed, so I couldn't ask them too much. But it turns out both my grandparents on my mother's side and died of alcoholism. My sister, was a serious drug addict from such a young age. She died from a drug overdose. And so it runs in the family. And when you kind of look at that, too, and I'm a factual person and I'm like, okay, it runs in the family.

00:23:47:06 - 00:24:00:18
Unknown
I have a propensity to drink. I cannot handle it. You know, like those days are over. Welcome to the life of abstinence or else. Yeah. And I think, why might you go to the second question? Go.

00:24:00:18 - 00:24:14:15
Unknown
Yeah. So the second question I was wondering is did it become public right away, like what happened at that point? Because I know you were the person who covered the news and then you have this moment they're like, hey, you have to go to treatment.

00:24:14:15 - 00:24:44:06
Unknown
But they had to explain somehow that you were no longer on the air. Yes. It was public immediately. It was probably like five minutes after I was booked into jail. And, you know, I might laugh about this now because I have to have a little levity looking back at it because it's so traumatic. And so I will go to the second time of my DUI, so when the, deputy was taking me out and releasing me, and.

00:24:44:06 - 00:25:00:15
Unknown
But my attorney wouldn't bail me out for the weekend. So he made me stay in their cell on Monday for a good, hard lesson. And then he parked his vehicle about ten blocks away from the jail. So I had to do the walk of shame because all the media was there. Inside edition was there. And so he did that on purpose as a lesson because

00:25:00:15 - 00:25:02:27
Unknown
he picked me up after my first DUI as well.

00:25:02:29 - 00:25:21:12
Unknown
So he parked really far away and it was Minnesota winter. And so I just scurry past and do the walk of shame. But the deputy, she was taking me out. We get in the elevator and she said, you know, I walked you out your first time, too. I have no memory of that. I've no memory of either accident that I had either.

00:25:21:19 - 00:25:39:07
Unknown
But I had no memory of that. And, and then when I had to go to the workhouse, which is kind of like a jail, but it was in addition to jail, let me say that because I had a weekend and two weekends in jail. And in addition to that, and when I went to the workhouse, people were like, you look really familiar.

00:25:39:10 - 00:25:58:20
Unknown
Your voice sounds familiar. And I was horrified, you know, just thinking it. I do not want to talk about this for the next three days in here. And there was no escaping it. It was immediate. And my boss had called immediately when I got out of jail, so somebody tipped him off, you know, and that's. Let's be honest, that's how I made my living.

00:25:58:20 - 00:26:14:26
Unknown
Two people tipped me off all the time. And if I'd been tipped off about someone, the same thing I would have done, I would have gone to cover it. And there was a woman also, in a holding cell who was having a very bad night, much like myself. What do you talk about when you're in jail? What do you do?

00:26:14:26 - 00:26:30:01
Unknown
How did you get here? Is that your first one? You know, Did you hurt anyone? Daughter died, and she was as upset as I was. And she said, I'm probably going to lose my job. And I said, is it your your first time? And she goes, no, it's my second one. And I'm like, oh, you're right. It's my second one too.

00:26:30:01 - 00:26:48:16
Unknown
I'm, I'm going to be fired for sure. And I didn't want to tell her what I did though, because then I said, well, what do you do. Can we will maybe your company work with you. And she goes, no, I work for mad, you know. Yeah. Mothers against Drunk Drivers. Any of the time I would have done a story on that.

00:26:48:16 - 00:27:17:22
Unknown
Right. But here I am sitting with one of the executives at Madd. She's on her second DUI. I'm on my second DUI. I mean, imagine that conversation for the rest of the weekend. Yeah, I'm sorry, that's a movie. But I guess the stories are everywhere. Beth, you have a problem. There's no ignoring this anymore, you know, get your act together and clean it up and get sober.

00:27:17:24 - 00:27:34:27
Unknown
But it was immediate. It was. Go ahead. I know this question. I got it. So you didn't start drinking until 2005 and it was genetic or. Mine's genetic. Did you suffer any trauma as a kid?

00:27:34:29 - 00:28:03:25
Unknown
Wow. Boy, I you know, I just learned fairly recently that apparently I did. I don't remember it. It was better than it. My. I had a wonderful, childhood. Let me say that my mom and my stepdad were wonderful parents and begged me not to drink for most of my life, and as a kid does. I didn't ask why at that time.

00:28:03:28 - 00:28:29:03
Unknown
I mean, of course, now I know about the grandparents and my sister and some other things. Yes. I was, you know, I was in an Ihop with some relatives a couple of years ago in Arizona, and, I was an Anton, an uncle, and they after my parents passed, they kind of became my pseudo parents. And my uncle said, have you ever talked to your dad?

00:28:29:04 - 00:28:47:00
Unknown
And I'm like, my dad. My my stepfather was my daddy raised me since I was maybe eight years old. He was wonderful. And I said, no, you mean the biological dad, the sperm donor? And they said, yeah, I go, no, he abandoned us when I was two. And he goes, we know why, right? And I said, it doesn't matter.

00:28:47:03 - 00:29:07:18
Unknown
You know, he abandoned the family, left my mom to raise three kids. I don't care the why. And, he said, well, because your father wanted a son. And I said, okay. And he goes, you were born. And I'm like, wow. Well, okay. You know, that didn't bother me too much. And he goes, you know, he used to beat you.

00:29:07:20 - 00:29:31:08
Unknown
And my jaw dropped. I've never heard this before. And I said, what? And he goes, that's why he like, left in the middle of the night. He said, you guys were visiting us. And, I could hear something in in the dining room. And so my uncle got up, big guy six by a guy, got up and went into his dining room, and he saw my biological father throwing me up against the wall, because he wanted a son.

00:29:31:08 - 00:29:48:11
Unknown
And so my uncle said he broke it up, and, and he goes, you know, it wasn't the first time that you were abused. It was just the latest time. Bad. And he goes, your mother never told you. And I said, you know, here I am in my 50s. She went to her grave with that. And he goes, aren't you lucky?

00:29:48:13 - 00:30:05:12
Unknown
And I thought, yeah, maybe in a strange way, you know, because if you grow up with that in your head that you weren't the one wanted and that your father abused you, and then he left because of you. Because you were a girl and not a boy. My mother never told me. That was first time I ever heard it.

00:30:05:15 - 00:30:28:18
Unknown
And he says, you don't even know that. Like you were in and out of the hospital your first year of life. And I said, no, no. So the answer, long answer to that is yes. And I just found that out recently. That's crazy, because, I mean, a lot of the all addicts have been traumatized. And you, you it's called the implicit and explicit part of the brain.

00:30:28:20 - 00:31:00:19
Unknown
Explicit memory. You remember like that implicit is buried. There's a great book called The Body Keeps the Skull. When you're working with trauma that's buried in the body, the body remembers the trauma and holds on to it under stress. That's why addiction is part, you know, environment and part genetic. So you don't know when you're under the stress of people pleasing to say the job, to say this through the sensory, that person that abused you, whatever they that you know, your implicit part of the brain holds on to that the smells, the taste.

00:31:00:19 - 00:31:19:06
Unknown
You can get around someone go, what is it? Because you're reliving the trauma. And if you don't have a safe ground and you don't know it's buried, what do you do? You alter the mood through something external because you don't have someone right to help you regulate. So over the years you get so good at burying it, right?

00:31:19:06 - 00:31:42:18
Unknown
And it stays in the body because the body keeps the score and you're always and you're like, what is it about that person? Because the memory shuts off to protect us. Right. But the the amygdala holds on to the memory, right? Because it has to hold on to it for the next situation that comes. That's why the amygdala is fight, flight, freeze beat.

00:31:42:18 - 00:31:59:21
Unknown
And I see often right to it's more wary. And that's why when I work with addicts, the big thing I do is stretch out the trauma because we're all traumatized. That's why I asked you that. I was like, there's got to be trauma there. Even though it's genetic. You got to mean to then work, right? You're under stress, right?

00:31:59:22 - 00:32:20:19
Unknown
That's the genetic. It's the environment and the stress. Right. It's like, what are you going to do about my mood? Why? Because I kind of talk about my stress to people. I can't talk to people, but I'm going to carry everyone and I'm going to be you become the martyr. Yes. Right. And then that cycle keeps going until we intervene.

00:32:20:22 - 00:32:42:08
Unknown
Yes. And know I covered. I lived in, worked in Philadelphia for a number of seven years and I worked for CBS and NBC there. And, 9/11 happened, while I was there. And of course, we're an hour and a half away. And so I was sent out to help cover the aftermath of 911. And I was on air, actually, when the plane first plane hit.

00:32:42:11 - 00:33:03:10
Unknown
And so, you know, hearing your best breakdown, you guys going to New York will tell you when you're coming home. You know, you have to go back and there you go until further notice. And so I've had people begging me to help find their loved ones. So, you know, I have that trauma and then trauma of covering stories of little girls being kidnaped from their home and found mutilated in reverse.

00:33:03:10 - 00:33:25:26
Unknown
Then I had dinner with a friend of mine who was a teacher in, in Minnetonka, Minnesota, and we went to dinner one night and she tell me about her day in her day school. And she was like, how was yours? And I said, oh, you know, I just covered this killing of nine year old Barbet Collins. His father murdered him for a life insurance policy, and her face dropped and she's like, how are you okay with this?

00:33:25:28 - 00:33:52:23
Unknown
And I said, for me to survive, it's a light switch. I have to shut it off. At the end of my day, I can tell their stories, but I'm going to keep my little hidden truth, right? You know that? Yeah. Well, Beth, when I think about all that and to see where you are today, the fact that when you made the courageous decision to say, I'm going to go to treatment, not only going to go to treatment, I'm going to have a sober roommate, not only am I going to go to have a sober roommate, I'm going to go to AA.

00:33:52:28 - 00:34:13:01
Unknown
I'm going to take back my life. And I think you're a testimony that you rebuilt, like you literally rebuilt. What was that? And ended up back on air. I mean, after all that, that is enough to take some people out to say, you know what? How do I I've been publicly embarrassed. I've gone through a lot. This is just enough.

00:34:13:03 - 00:34:39:12
Unknown
But you came back. How did you get the courage and the ability to say, I'm not going to let this stop me. I'm going to fight my way back up to the top. I think it begins with I'm not a very good quitter, which is not a good attribute to have when you're an alcoholic. And case in point I was running a marathon one time, the Houston Marathon at mile 19.

00:34:39:12 - 00:35:00:25
Unknown
I blew out my back, and I still finish that darn thing. You know? And then I had back surgery. I'm not a good quitter. Whether it's at work. People used to say she's tenacious, persistent. All of those things are wonderful. Professional attributes in my industry. Your industry? Personally, I don't know the, So I'm not a good quitter.

00:35:00:25 - 00:35:24:25
Unknown
And I knew that was going to be a hurdle for me to overcome. But also the devastation was so widespread I was broke, homeless, had no living. You know, I had lost, I'd say most of my friends and people in my life and, you know, some relatives, they were supportive as they could be, but they're a phone call away in states across the country.

00:35:25:02 - 00:35:46:21
Unknown
So it's, you know, I got myself into this. I'm going to have to get myself out of this. And so after dealing with all of the the court requirements and then taking care of all the treatment and all of that, honestly, I was sitting down looking at my bank account like, got two months, got two months of stuff because the man I'd hit, sued me, so I bought him a new car.

00:35:46:21 - 00:36:03:20
Unknown
The penalties are twice as bad in Minnesota. If you get two DUIs in ten years. So I really had two months left. I'm like, okay, what am I going to do? Well, I love dogs and I have dogs and I've always rescue dogs. And I thought, I can't drive anywhere, I don't have a car. It's the dead of winter in Minnesota.

00:36:03:22 - 00:36:23:04
Unknown
I'm going to go knock on my neighbor's doors. They all know me. Can I walk your dogs and pick up their dog poop? Wow. And that's what I did. I walked out my door and started knocking on the doors. And then I put together little fliers, and I walked all my friends and neighbors dogs in the neighborhood for $20 a whack to put food on my table.

00:36:23:08 - 00:36:47:26
Unknown
Honestly. And, I slowly built that up. And then my neighbors were like, hey, can you dog daycare or dogs, you know, let them come play with your dogs? So they ended up, well, I was losing my home in two months, going to be out evicted. Boom. And I'm like, well, that I can't do it here. And so I needed a place to maybe entertain opening up a doggy daycare with no money.

00:36:47:28 - 00:37:22:18
Unknown
Well, one of the people that I was walking dogs for and picking up her dog poop said two dogs, big ones too. So you can imagine, you know, the mess I picked up every day, she said, I know what you're going through. I've got this little warehouse. It's, you know, a pros, if you will, and you got to redo it all and but if you want to get in there and take everything out and scrape the walls and paint them and get some electricity and some water in that building, you know, you you can have it there for doggy daycare at a reduced rate and, you know, didn't have dog pens or anything.

00:37:22:18 - 00:37:45:25
Unknown
I had to build all of that because I didn't have money, to hire anyone. And I'm like, how do I build dog pants? YouTube. You know, and that's so I buckled down. I had a couple of friends that would come by and help me kind of paint the inside of this. And so I turned it into a doggy daycare, and I went to a dog park and, met some people there that I can hire at a reasonable rate to come help me out.

00:37:45:28 - 00:38:09:21
Unknown
And so I slowly built this doggy daycare, then into doggy grooming, then into doggy boarding. And it became a business within three years, really good business. And people started calling me, hey, would you ever entertain selling your business? And, you know, first I was no, no, no. And then after I kept 40 dogs one night, I was like, maybe I will sell.

00:38:09:21 - 00:38:27:19
Unknown
That's a that's a lot of barking. And it's a lot of work. And I built everything, you know, I did the website and I did it all, and, so I entertained it, and I was going to sell to another business, to be honest with you. And one of my employees came to me and she said, I'd really love to take over the business and buy it from you.

00:38:27:19 - 00:38:47:23
Unknown
And, and, and she did such a great job. And so I said, sure, let's get this done on the day that I closed selling the business and giving her the keys, I got a call totally out of the blue from KSTP in Minneapolis, and I'd worked at Fox in Minneapolis, but KSTP called me out of the blue.

00:38:47:25 - 00:39:04:27
Unknown
And this is the same station I want to point out that three years earlier, after my second DUI, when I was begging people to give me a job, I couldn't get hired at the grocery store. And I tried, KSTP said, you know, we do not have a place for you. You are not someone that we would hire.

00:39:05:00 - 00:39:23:04
Unknown
And I'm like, oh, okay. I probably needed that at that time. Right? It was very wrong. And right after same station called me and said, we've seen your progress, we've been following you and we have a job we'd like to offer you a job. It's not on there. It's behind the scenes. As an investigative producer, would you be interested?

00:39:23:04 - 00:39:44:23
Unknown
And I'm like, When you do the work, the rewards come. And so I took that job, and I am so grateful to them, because KSTP does have a long history of hiring people. In recovery, they're very big believers and supporters of it. And I said, we're going to require you to go to meeting once a week, you know, get your card signed, show it to us.

00:39:44:25 - 00:40:07:20
Unknown
And if you slip or if you have a relapse, that will be it. And so I knew that going into the expectations were very clear, and I was so incredibly grateful that I wanted to prove myself to them and do everything I could to, you know, make them shine as well. And so I picked up dog poop for three years.

00:40:07:22 - 00:40:21:19
Unknown
Right? I know Joy is going to want to jump into the book, but I want to ask one question before that because I know Joy. So this is why we're great. Like I go into the attic thing and she goes, she gets it back on track. Like I go into the trauma thing, like is it's just I'm the addict.

00:40:21:19 - 00:40:37:19
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's her favorite because I know she's going to go. She's in a brain. She's like, I got to talk about the book and I know that I can read her. I have a question. And this is what people don't get in sobriety. Right. So when when you get so that we have all these plans right, I got to get the job.

00:40:37:19 - 00:41:02:18
Unknown
I got to do this. So you you take the humility I always say attitude and humility. Right. Then it's attraction over promotion. Now the irony is you that that station says we'll never hire you. And let's be honest, you picked up crap. That's the lowest form, right? But here's the thing. I always ask people in this, and I always call it substitution with addicts.

00:41:02:18 - 00:41:22:27
Unknown
Like I ran 30 half marathons in 30 days after stomach surgery. I'm a I'm a true crackhead. I used to smoke, crack, do cocaine. I tell people I've I've got no sweets, right? I know how to get it done. And Joy and I were talking about this before, like, I've got that switch. Do you believe because that's your superpower?

00:41:22:27 - 00:41:45:25
Unknown
Like I tell people, Robert Downey Junior went from crackhead to Iron Man. Yes, you're right, that is your superpower. Do you channel it? That's not going anywhere. You and I and addicts and alcoholics, we are born with that. This is. But if we can figure out that dis ease and ease ourselves, it's magical. Right? Do you believe that as well?

00:41:45:25 - 00:42:06:19
Unknown
It's a substitution. As long as you can. The energy is not going anywhere. We're born with this and we have to know how to shape it. Do you believe that as well? Absolutely. And you have to find you hear the word substitutions? I kind of call it redirection for me. You know, and I used to drink like it late at night after the news.

00:42:06:19 - 00:42:26:09
Unknown
And in order to occupy myself, I would start cooking late at night, make meal prep like people do on Sundays. That became my time to kind of meal prep. And I would drink late at night or on the weekends, so then I would start to go to bed earlier so I wouldn't be tempted to drink. And I would tell myself, hold on.

00:42:26:12 - 00:42:51:03
Unknown
And those are things that I did early on, but absolutely, because you're already wired like this. And so what are you going to do with it going forward? And I think that 16 years later now and I'm still sober. Hallelujah. That I'm grounded enough, have enough perspective, and certainly enough experiences to share with others that I can use my previous experience for some.

00:42:51:03 - 00:43:11:27
Unknown
Go ahead. And, you know, I kind of found my way to fight back and up to the top and I want to show people also why why you want to do that and why it's worth it. Because my life now, I had a pretty good life before. It wasn't perfect, but I had a pretty good life before and the bills got paid and I had a roof over my home and I was happy and had a life and friends.

00:43:12:00 - 00:43:32:05
Unknown
My life is a hundred times better now, and I wouldn't have believed that at the time. I would not have believed it at the time. And I mean, here I am talking with you guys using this platform to do some good. So apparently I really needed to go through that. Yeah, amazing. And you know, I do want to go to the book.

00:43:32:05 - 00:44:06:09
Unknown
But I think another thing that's very powerful. And before I even get to the book, Beth, is that you get back on KSP and, I tell you, I'm from Minnesota, so I'm from CMU. I grew up in Minnesota, so I'm sure I probably saw you and I can relate to the Minnesota walk. Yes. Yes. But you know, when you you're going back up, you rise back up to the top, you're back doing what you love, and then you have another trauma, that could have.

00:44:06:09 - 00:44:32:28
Unknown
And I want you to walk through that because one, you know, you had the trauma of finding out you had a disease, a chronic condition. Then you had another trauma where you were covering the George Floyd riots and you were shot with the concrete bullet, luckily survive, thank God. But you had so many other things that happened out of that that could have completely derailed you from your sobriety journey.

00:44:33:04 - 00:44:59:29
Unknown
But here you are, 16 years sober. So I want to know, and you've written a book and we're going to touch on that book. But how did you, in the midst of that, after achieving sobriety, but then still having other major traumatic things that could caused you to go back to a coping mechanism, how did you keep going in spite of those things?

00:45:00:02 - 00:45:20:23
Unknown
I think it's a mindset for me. It was a mindset. I acknowledged I had a problem my own did. I was, you know, had made all of my meds. I got back into television news and I remember thinking, I, you know, just once I asked myself, is this a good idea for me to do? Because I know what I'm going to end up covering.

00:45:20:23 - 00:45:43:16
Unknown
It's I cover mass disasters. That's what I do. And, and so, you know, I get into everybody's tragedy and emotions and turmoil and, and I thought, is this wise for me to do. And I sat on that for a couple of days. And what I took away from that was, who better than me to tell their stories?

00:45:43:18 - 00:46:05:20
Unknown
I that I found this new found empathy and compassion and so knowing I was going back and going to do all of this and you run hard. I like to run hard and I don't like to get beat. And so that means I'm always going to be on the move. And so I had to put some play, some things in order and in place for me to continue to be sober.

00:46:05:23 - 00:46:28:22
Unknown
So I got rid of all the alcohol out of my home. So all of my bar where, you know, let everybody come over and take it, everybody in my circle, in my atmosphere knows I do not drink and even for a long time. And when you're kind of known in the cities, these restaurants that I would go to are going out with friends or people everybody knows I don't drink and I'm very open about it.

00:46:28:22 - 00:46:49:06
Unknown
I know other people, you know, trying to keep it hidden. For me, the accountability has been everything. Honestly, when I go to restaurants and I'll tell you, two weeks ago there was a mistake made at a restaurant I, had gone into, and there was no sitting at regular tables, and I was going to grab a quick bite and then go see a show.

00:46:49:09 - 00:47:06:05
Unknown
And, so I went I sat at the bar and I ordered a club soda with cranberry in line. And when it came to me and I took a sip and I was, you know, spit it out. And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, did you put alcohol in that? And she goes, yes, the the bar back, you know, said, this is what you ordered.

00:47:06:09 - 00:47:26:07
Unknown
I said, no, I ordered a virgin. And and she goes, oh my God, back. And she looks at me and I go, yeah, I've been sober for 16 years, you know? And she was horrified. I was horrified and, you know, that's just an instance of, if I'd seen her first, this wouldn't have been an issue.

00:47:26:07 - 00:47:54:29
Unknown
Everyone around me knows I don't drink, and people really respect all of that, and they protect that as well. My friends, my inner circle, they protect that and I protect it. It's just I live by it. Creative alcohol is just not an option for me because it actually gets destroyed. My life. Now I love that. It's funny you say that because I was sober and still working in restaurants and bars and everyone knew that.

00:47:55:01 - 00:48:21:23
Unknown
And here's a question for you, because you celebrate your sobriety, some people would get upset because I've been talking about being sober for God, 16 years. And, people would get upset and I'm like, where am I? When I was snorting cocaine and drinking, you're the first person to call me up and say, oh, you're an asshole last night, but now I'm sober and you have a problem with it, but you have a problem because I'm telling people how great life is in sobriety.

00:48:21:25 - 00:48:38:11
Unknown
Did you come into, like, something that would trigger people? I have people now 19, 20. I'm 20, 20 years sober. They were like, do you know what you did back in 2001? I'm like, no, but tell me. And I'll make the amends. And then like, I'm like, I don't know. What I did 20 something years ago was probably pretty bad.

00:48:38:11 - 00:49:07:15
Unknown
I was doing cocaine and drinking and and acting like a fool. And then that is like, okay, do you ever get that kickback that some people don't like? That you're sober? Yes. You know, in fact, this has just happened recently. I got doxed a whole bunch of calls from various recovery centers. Once my word of my book started coming out, whole bunch of calls from recovery center saying, oh, you filled out a form that you need to come in for treatment.

00:49:07:18 - 00:49:24:29
Unknown
But I'm like, what? Why? How did you get. No, no, I did get to treatment 16 years ago. And they said, no, we just got this form a couple of days ago. And I'm like, you know, I dealt with this in TV news. I know what this is, right? This. It's like the anonymous emails, that sort of thing.

00:49:25:01 - 00:49:44:27
Unknown
And, there were actually six recovery centers that called me in one day. So I thought, oh, somebody somebody doesn't like that. I'm out here talking about this. And, I would never name drop, and it really doesn't involve them anyway. It's about me and the destruction that I caused. And then there have been a couple of emails that I've received recently, too.

00:49:44:27 - 00:50:21:06
Unknown
Like, you have some nerve driving. Well, I have my driver's license, and I've had it back for 16 years. And, you know, I've, I've done all of the requirements that I was asked to do, to become a healthy person again. And then, you know, so there's that element of it. You have folks who anonymously, you know, poking at me, and that if anything, that has the opposite effect on me because I remember there's a woman in treatment and, she had been there many times.

00:50:21:06 - 00:50:37:24
Unknown
Let me say that. And so we were talking and, and I'm like, how is this time different for you? And she goes, oh, you'll be back. You'll drink again. And I remember and it sounds catty at the moment, but I'm the personality that if you tell me that, you know, I'm going to do the opposite. And so I think you're going to go, thank you.

00:50:37:27 - 00:51:07:25
Unknown
You have been so helpful in my sweaty journey. You don't even know. And she was shocked. You know, so there have been people who have, you know, tried to chip away a little bit at the armor, but I, I'm grateful that I'm today very solid in my sobriety. And I, you know, if I ever even am tempted or there's a weak moment I people that I reach out to that would be by my side in a New York second.

00:51:07:25 - 00:51:27:15
Unknown
And, so, you know, I feel bad for those people that, you know, are poking at me because why? I'm making myself a better person. It's better for society if you know someone's not out there drinking and driving. Oh, and someone I got this email to that you didn't have a drinking problem. You had a drinking and driving problem.

00:51:27:18 - 00:51:50:08
Unknown
No, no, no, Beth had a drinking problem. You know, I'm not. I don't need an excuse or a way out. I, I had a drinking problem, you know, and why? I'm drinking, driving. Right? Like. Yeah. Like they don't see the connection. And I think that's because a lot of people don't necessarily understand addiction. You know, even though people are talking about their journeys.

00:51:50:08 - 00:52:06:26
Unknown
And that's one of the reasons why we do the show to help people understand, but to also let other people know that they're not alone. And so I think you sharing your story is so powerful, and you're not only just sharing it on addiction talk. You told us about this. You've written a book. Yeah, it's called Stand By.

00:52:07:03 - 00:52:29:25
Unknown
I'm wondering, is this a play on something in news? Because I was like, stand by your line. That's the only thing that came to my mind when I thought about the title, but could I do I have it wrong? Oh, no, you're right on, girl. No, you nailed it. I thought you might get it. And I used to always jokingly say to people in the newsroom or interviews or whatever, you know, hey, stand by, I'll be right back or stand by.

00:52:30:00 - 00:52:53:24
Unknown
And of course, stand by is the term. And you hear it in our earpiece all the time. So stand by, get ready for what's next. Stand by. You're about to be hot, you know. Whatever. So it just seemed natural for me to try to let stand by. And this book is the first of two books. But this book is about the fault, and people think they know the headlines and they think they know what happened.

00:52:53:24 - 00:53:16:23
Unknown
Beth got a couple of DUI, she got fired, you know, for life is awful. And where is she now? And people have asked me what what was it like? And I'm like, oh, well, you know, I take you right in there. So with the very first chapter, it's not a soft start. We start where I wake up in jail with women watching the TV news and my mug shot up there, and two anchors that I'm very good friends with talking about me.

00:53:16:26 - 00:53:39:21
Unknown
And I take you through the guts of it because for me, I wanted people to know, okay, you hear about getting guys in? It may sounds like it sucks. Let me tell you how bad it sucks. And let me tell you why. And so I took you in from when I got booked. And I'm walking into the jail and one of the deputies goes back, you're coming in the wrong door to pick up a mug shot because it's media.

00:53:39:21 - 00:53:55:07
Unknown
We go pick up mug shots, right? And I said, no. And he goes, have you the mug shot? And I'm like, oh. And he came over and whacked me upside the head like a father would whack a child, you know? And here's, you know better. I'm not giving you any breaks. Go stand in front of the camera.

00:53:55:07 - 00:54:18:12
Unknown
You know you're getting booked in and everything like everybody else. So I also wanted people to know there was no preferential treatment anywhere in any of this. I was like every other alcoholic or addict on this earth. And here's what you go through. Here's what court it's like. And the judge of all people, the prosecutor was dead set that I go to prison.

00:54:18:12 - 00:54:33:25
Unknown
Not just jail, but prison for three months. Dead set. I want to make an example out of me. Of course, I was horrified and scared to death and all of that. And, in my court hearing, my attorney says the judge wants to see you in his chambers. And he goes, I've never had that request in 30 years.

00:54:33:28 - 00:54:51:09
Unknown
And of course, I was like, this is not going to be good. This is not good. And when I went around the door to go into his chambers, there he was standing with his arms out, and he goes, c'mere, let me give you a hug. Today is my 20 year anniversary. So he had been sober for 20 years.

00:54:51:12 - 00:55:07:17
Unknown
And he goes, I saw your name the second it got on my docket. And he goes, I'm going to hear this case. And it goes, it's really a pleasant for you, isn't it? I'm like, yeah. And he said, I'm not going to send you to prison. And, you know, I'm, I am going to punish you. Here are some things that are going to happen.

00:55:07:19 - 00:55:25:17
Unknown
But he said you're already being proactive, taking care of some things, which shows me that you are motivated and ready. And I said, I have so ready, you know, let's do this. I'm going to like I approach my career and everything else in life. I go all in, so I'm ready. Let's do this in the judge.

00:55:25:17 - 00:55:47:09
Unknown
Really? That moment, I would have never guessed someone can make an impact on me like he did. And he did. And I thought, I want to do this for somebody else. It feels as crummy as I do right now, you know? Come on. And here I was scared to death to let people know I had a problem and asked for help.

00:55:47:09 - 00:56:12:12
Unknown
And it turns out because I thought I was strong. And I can handle it. And you can control alcohol, but it controls you. And, by letting people in, asking for help, it doesn't make you weak. It amplifies your strength and your chances of getting healthy again. And that judge just gave me that first little moment of mercy that I hadn't had in six months.

00:56:12:12 - 00:56:33:13
Unknown
And he gave me motivation. And I would like to do that for other people. It's amazing. I know, and I think you know best when I look at that, first of all, I don't know. It just is so just that somebody would have that much compassion from his own journey just shows one, you never know what other people are going through.

00:56:33:15 - 00:56:54:01
Unknown
And I think that him just doing that, I could just feel that moment because I can visualize it as you're saying it, and just him doing that and how special that was for you and how you're giving back now through your book and through sharing your story and how you're giving that virtual hug, you know, to somebody out there who seems like if she can do it, I can do it.

00:56:54:01 - 00:57:12:15
Unknown
And so as we wrap up the interview, I just want to know, where are you today? What are you doing? I know you, you know, you're on the book tour and telling more people about the book. And we want to encourage people. It's called standby. It's available. It's raw, it's real. It's your story. But it has a little bit of a hug in there, as you said.

00:57:12:15 - 00:57:40:05
Unknown
You know, just letting people know they're not alone. It does have a hug in there. And I also take people through my life, you know, leading up to all of this and and the big explosion, as I call it, because I want people to know, too. You know, I had a fairly normal, good life. And, alcohol doesn't discriminate, you know, and once it's in your genes, so it doesn't matter, you know, how you grow up, and I think no one wants to be an alcoholic or labeled one.

00:57:40:05 - 00:57:55:11
Unknown
I certainly didn't. And so you don't choose that, but you can choose your recovery every day. And so that's where I go in my head that I wake up and I choose recovery every day. And so writing the book for me in the beginning was I was writing it for me. I'm spent in getting all my stuff out.

00:57:55:11 - 00:58:20:09
Unknown
And as I started going on and the judge and I'm like, now I'm writing this for others to help show them, why it's so important to find your spark again. And you can find your spark again. So I have a second book coming out, that I'm still working on at this point, though, it's called Still Standing, because then it takes you from my doggy poop days, and I take you in there for all of it.

00:58:20:11 - 00:58:39:25
Unknown
And then through going to work at KSTP. And if you had ever told me that the second half of my career would be ten times better than the first half, never in a million years would I guess that. And the second half was better. So I want to show people that, hey, you put in the work and the rewards do come in.

00:58:39:25 - 00:58:58:29
Unknown
Your life gets better and better, and, and I don't have to wake up in the morning wondering who I own apology to, if they'll accept my apology, you know? Did I slam into something, you know? Well, I was drunk driving. Not if that happens. So I live in. To make a long story longer, I live in Saint George, Utah.

00:58:58:29 - 00:59:20:10
Unknown
Now, because I moved here, and this is just my opinion. I feel like you can't heal in the same place you got hurt. And I needed to change the scenery and the George Floyd riots and Lyme disease. Help. That happened. So it's 2019. Again, I covered disasters. And tell me if I'm going to long for you guys.

00:59:20:13 - 00:59:46:27
Unknown
No, I'm. I'm enthralled in your story, but Jamie Closs, in Barron County, Wisconsin, her parents were murdered in 2019, the fall. And she was home. She was kidnaped, and, and she was duct taped and pulled through her parents blood as the suspect put her in the back of the car, and and then she, was kidnaped and held captive for 88 days.

00:59:46:29 - 01:00:08:16
Unknown
Turns out the guy's complete stranger. Didn't know where we are getting off a school bus. He obsessed over her. That was that. And then he, you know, ruined a family's life in a community like it's a small town. And, the class family, everybody knows everybody there. They all work at the Jennie-o turkey plant and about, and I cover mass disaster.

01:00:08:16 - 01:00:23:05
Unknown
So it's two hours away from the Twin Cities. So my bosses were like, hey, that. Would you be willing to go live in a hotel essentially till this is over? We need to stay on top of it, get close to the family, get close to investigators, you know, get in there, be part of it. Do what you do.

01:00:23:07 - 01:00:41:07
Unknown
And I'm like, absolutely what I do. I jump on this and the sheriff did something brilliant, in the search for Jamie in the early days, you know, he's like, hey, have a public search. Because we're in the woods of Wisconsin where there are farm fields, cornfields, you know, it's hunting season. Get everybody out, come through this area.

01:00:41:07 - 01:01:06:28
Unknown
Everyone has to pass through a central location to give your driver's license. And so the sheriff could then run driver's license to see if there's any connection, you know, to the class family. Or sometimes perpetrators will come back and take part in these searches. So we as media were invited to go out in the woods, trump through the woods with everybody else, you know, with our cameras and, and I, you know, probably two dozen searches in the woods.

01:01:07:01 - 01:01:32:15
Unknown
And, I started to not feel well. And by January 2020 and I'm still living in Wisconsin, still covering this day in and day out. It's horrific. And her family, her surviving family could have been more wonderful. They were, you know, they were people you wanted to help to get a conclusion to this. And, and I remember January 10th, 2020, I told the bosses, you know, I'm really sick.

01:01:32:15 - 01:01:51:13
Unknown
I and this is unusual for me because I run hard, you know, I'm really sick. I'm not feeling well. You got to let me go to the doctor. I need a day off. Can you send some people to relieve me? And, And they said. Yeah. So that morning, I did go to the doctor, and she gave me a physical, and she's like, what's this on your back?

01:01:51:13 - 01:02:10:10
Unknown
And I'm like, I don't know. I live in a hotel, you know, in my crew doesn't. We are in each other's rooms, so I don't know. And, it was misdiagnosed as a form of rosacea. So it turns out it was Lyme disease. So and so I went months and months, months, you know, getting sicker and sicker and sicker and deathly ill and going to doctors, doctors, doctors.

01:02:10:10 - 01:02:27:20
Unknown
And, none of them had actually tested me for Lyme. And I went to functional medicine, doctor, you know, with a big mountain of medical paperwork at this point. And I was almost bedridden, and I said, I just, you know, I think I'm dying. And he says, I think I know what you have, but let's do some tests.

01:02:27:20 - 01:02:44:03
Unknown
So we did. And, they came back and he said, you are positive for Lyme disease. And I said, what do we do? How do we cure it? And he goes, it's too late to cure it. The first month. If you take an antibiotic, you can cure it. It kills the bacteria before it settles in your body. And he says yours is now settled in your brain.

01:02:44:03 - 01:03:08:03
Unknown
In your lungs. Well, that became very apparent, because as time would go on, and I do live shots and I talk on live TV for a living, I couldn't like you and I talking. I'd be like. I couldn't get the words out. My brain just poof. There was a blank slate there. And so I went on a medical leave and, and did very aggressive treatment, which made me sicker.

01:03:08:03 - 01:03:25:28
Unknown
But they said that would happen. You get sicker before you get better. But he said, you know, you're going to have this for the rest of your life. We might get you back where you're functioning adult within four years. And when you hear that and you feel that crummy, you know, because it's like having food poisoning, motion sickness, and the worst hangover of your life every day.

01:03:25:28 - 01:03:49:13
Unknown
And you can't. There's not a pill to take to get rid of your nausea, you know? So sometimes I'd be getting ready for live shot like, hold on, you know, and then I came back after that medical leave, because that's what we do, and it's. I love my job so much. And one month later, after I came back from the medical leave, George Floyd happened, was on my watch.

01:03:49:16 - 01:04:09:13
Unknown
Where it happened is a few blocks from our station. So we got there very quickly. We were there when he was still alive, when they were looking for the cashier who took the fake $20 bill. And so, you know, we get there, it's in south Minneapolis and it's just mayhem in Minneapolis at this time. ID been going through probably solid decade of some racial reckoning.

01:04:09:15 - 01:04:37:16
Unknown
So there was a lot of animosity and tension towards the police department and, you know, so all of that takes place. The riots didn't start. They slowly, gradually started over the next three days after his death. And, the third night when they were breaking into the third precinct to burn it down. And that's when you're seeing the target looted in the liquor store and tens of thousands of people here.

01:04:37:19 - 01:04:56:11
Unknown
We were caught in the crowd surge. And I actually thought we might die, you know, because I'm like, we may not get out of this. And I remember asking my photographer, shoot, shoot what you're comfortable with. And he said, Beth, if I was comfortable, I wouldn't be here. I mean, it was, you know, we put our tripods down, our lights down, everything.

01:04:56:11 - 01:05:13:19
Unknown
All we had were our cell phones and a camera because I'm like, we can't have anything be used against us. So I'm watching everyone break into the liquor store, and I feel this searing pain in my left hip and kind of rabbit because, you know, you're in the middle of a riot and whatever, you know, you ignore, you keep going.

01:05:13:19 - 01:05:33:27
Unknown
And I really hurt. So I looked down and I lifted up my shirt and I'm like a shot. And there was a concrete tennis ball sitting there because they, the protesters would so come in there and try and use them against police. And so I got shot in my hip and my photographer got hit. In the back of the head was a two by four.

01:05:34:00 - 01:05:53:18
Unknown
But it's, you know, it's a war zone essentially only it's in Minneapolis. So you keep covering it. Go back to work the next day because we were 12 on, 12 off as a journalist, you know the story. 12 on, 12 off, no vacations. Everything's canceled for the rest of the year. And I am still very ill from Lyme disease, but I'm getting up doing it every day.

01:05:53:20 - 01:06:14:26
Unknown
And, And I told my bosses I will come in on the days that I can walk. And that's when it kind of became, and then, so that was May, June, July, July 20th. I was covering just your normal demonstration that was still going on at that time. And a protester had a gun pointed at my head and said, you're media, you're next.

01:06:14:28 - 01:06:32:06
Unknown
And that was it for me, I snapped, I was in the hospital the next day. I kind of had a mental breakdown. And, I told the bosses I called him and I'm like, I don't know if I can come back, you know, like, how many in the world of reading the tea leaves? I've been shot. I have Lyme disease now.

01:06:32:06 - 01:06:58:25
Unknown
My life has been threatened. You know, I'm high profile enough that it's a badge of honor if somebody takes me out. And the boss said, take more time. Take care of yourself, you know, and let's revisit this in a few months. And then just more journalists were injured over that time as well. And so when my next leave came up, I called him and I said, I just I can't do this anymore, you know, for 30 years.

01:06:58:25 - 01:07:18:14
Unknown
And listen, I've survived alcoholism. I've survived cancer, abuse, you know, how many times can I have my life threatened? We had security at my home. And, again, going back to. For me, I feel like I can't heal in the same place I got hurt. So I vacationed here in Saint George, which is just beautiful, you know, it's sunny all the time.

01:07:18:14 - 01:07:44:15
Unknown
It's a chill bubble. The national parks are here, and, so I just pulled up stakes and moved here, called my realtor, said, sell the house in Minnesota, and I'm going to come here and try and heal. And this is a very big healing community. They have a big recovery community, too. And that's what brought me here is, you know, that's 2.0, 3.0 at this stage.

01:07:44:17 - 01:08:09:08
Unknown
Beth. Wow. You know, like the crowd, I've had 21 lives and I'm still here, so I think something has to come out of that. And that's why I wrote the book. You know, I have experiences and I'm grounded and perspective to share with some people and why you want to just live the life that you have. Amazing.

01:08:09:11 - 01:08:28:02
Unknown
I was just going to say, Beth, you know what a powerful story and all you've been through. And I can relate. You know, just as a journalist, I covered health, so I wasn't I mean, I have been at the Virginia Tech shootings and things like that, but never to the degree I could imagine, just the trauma, you know, that you've had.

01:08:28:02 - 01:08:54:12
Unknown
But to own that and still to take care of yourself and to say at the end of the day, nothing is more important to me than me now. And I'm gonna move to Utah and I am going to rebuild, and I'm going to keep living this beautiful, wonderful life that I have, because it's a gift and I feel like I've been given, like you said, like 20 lives in this journey and in that still having the grace and the the courage and, I don't know, just being a gift to others to give back.

01:08:54:12 - 01:09:17:16
Unknown
I think it's so powerful. And I just feel honored that you share your story with us because it touched me. And I know that everyone who listens to this will be touched, because you went through so much, but yet you kept getting back up. Yes. And I went through it sober, you know. And of course I worried like, gosh, somewhere along the way is something going to break me?

01:09:17:18 - 01:09:45:00
Unknown
And I used to worry about that. What's going to break me? I can't let anything break me. So when I get stuck, you know, I'll go to meetings or, to deal with the PTSD. I, I'm a big believer in therapy. It can only help. And I've had eMDR, which was super helpful. I highly recommend that. And gosh, I just can't imagine going through all of that drunk, you know, like as a functioning alcoholic, I maybe I wouldn't have made it out, you know, who knows?

01:09:45:00 - 01:10:03:07
Unknown
But I had my faculties and I still had my brain through all of this. And, I just feel like when you go through all of this, there has to be something you share with others along the way out of it. There are always takeaways and, you know, here I am sitting here talking to you guys, this wouldn't have happened otherwise, right?

01:10:03:10 - 01:10:24:22
Unknown
And we can share the message to other people of like, look at the three of us. You know, we've come out of this not just okay, but we came out of it better than before. Yep. So powerful. Well, Beth, I'm going to round up our interview unless Mike has any final questions. But I think you've given us so much and so much for our audience.

01:10:24:22 - 01:10:33:13
Unknown
And we just thank you for being our guests on Addiction Talk today. Oh my gosh, thank you. I am so honored and I've enjoyed this immensely.

01:10:55:26 - 01:11:09:23
Unknown
Yeah. So the second question I was wondering is did it become public right away, like what happened at that point? Because I know you were the person who covered the news and then you have this moment they're like, hey, you have to go to treatment.

01:11:09:23 - 01:11:39:14
Unknown
But they had to explain somehow that you were no longer on the air. Yes. It was public immediately. It was probably like five minutes after I was booked into jail. And, you know, I might laugh about this now because I have to have a little levity looking back at it because it's so traumatic. And so I will go to the second time of my DUI, so when the, deputy was taking me out and releasing me, and.

01:11:39:14 - 01:11:55:23
Unknown
But my attorney wouldn't bail me out for the weekend. So he made me stay in their cell on Monday for a good, hard lesson. And then he parked his vehicle about ten blocks away from the jail. So I had to do the walk of shame because all the media was there. Inside edition was there. And so he did that on purpose as a lesson because

01:11:59:02 - 01:12:12:29
Unknown
this entire experience has been a gut punch. And that's probably the point, right? Actions have consequences. And, it's supposed to hurt, and it has to hurt bad enough to get somebody's attention.

01:12:12:29 - 01:12:31:20
Unknown
And that's what I needed as well, because I had two DUIs, I had one, and then a year later, I got a second one. And the repercussions from the first weren't quite painful enough, apparently. So I went back and did it again and felt it the second time after I dropped an atomic bomb into my life.